I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
