our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize