I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
