Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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