dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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