god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
