did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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