Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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