Is it because I queefed?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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