Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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