I wish I could teleport
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
