covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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