yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
