Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize