i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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