To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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