Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
love makes seman taste better
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
