So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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