im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
