fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
