grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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