one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
