my sisters under your porch take her home
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
