Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
