i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
