This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize