I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
