So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
