dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
