Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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