Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
