Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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