how can u be prego again
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
