i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
