OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
