I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
