I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
