I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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