shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
