Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
