You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
