I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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