I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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