Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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