i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
