I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
