i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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