My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
