Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
