Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
