ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
