Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
