there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
