got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
