Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
