I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can I color on your dick again?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
