I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
