i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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