That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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