I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
