After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize