I want to have your abortion
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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