yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
