After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We named our party play list daddy issues
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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