It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
