direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
