Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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