I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize