oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize