saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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