You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
