i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
