Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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