Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there's paper in my vomit.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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