Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
