I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
