hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize