Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
