What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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