The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
