Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
