In the future we'll all be gay
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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