Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
