i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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