you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
