you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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