i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
