remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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