i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
