I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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