i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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